Lost In The Mail

Inheritance - A Short Story

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 20:19:50 -0500

It was obvious that Mariel was anxious. Tests haven’t favored her all of her young life. It was frustrating to say the very least. If it weren’t for her tireless focus to put in more hours then anyone else, she would not have even passed high school. Where she was not blessed in test taking skills, she was fortunately blessed with charm. It got her through places where books could not. Regrettably with this particular test, charm had no place.

“I don’t think I’m ready.” She said as her lips quivered.

“Well, no one is ever ready, really.”

“But I’m scared. I’m so scared, Melo.” She wanted to say that she was scared that everything would change, but she couldn’t muster the courage.

“I know. What if the results aren’t what you wanted, right? But there’s no way around it. You’re going to eventually have to take the test. At least, I’m here. I’ll wait for you until your ready and done.”

It brought some comfort hearing those words from Melo.

“Let’s take our time. Tell the driver that I’ll be taking you. I’ll prepare the car. At least for now, time is on our side.” Melo said with a genuine concern.

Though they had been with each other for a couple of years, Melo had never forgotten to give her the utmost respect. He opened doors for Mariel at every opportunity and never allowed her to leave his sight, his traits of being a protector. His mother taught him well, or at least, that’s what women have told him over the years.

The car was nearly silent as Melo shifted into first gear. Mariel loved that car. It was the only place where Melo would answer any question she had. No other place was acceptable, not even in bed lying next to him. It had been a while since Melo had driven, clearly because it did not coincide with his schedule.

Another Relfection entered the vacuum of the car guiding their thoughts towards a single point.

As Mariel began to speak, Melo simultaneously placed the song on loop, “Melo, can you tell me a story? How was it living in that condo all your life?”

He didn’t react. Melo kept his focus on the road taking the longest route possible to the office. The song continued playing without any consideration Mariel’s heart. Her curiosity gravitated her hand towards Melo’s but never close enough to grasp it. Melo rarely ever visited the past but rather it seemed like he was always looking forward. At times, Mariel could feel that he was never looking at her but somewhere much further.

Melo gathered his thoughts. He was patient and collected and was taught to never say things he wasn’t prepared to say. As he collected fragments that once were memories, he was suddenly sent back to a time where he could still hear his mother’s voice, a sweet and soothing voice that carried him through the test called youth. Even in tears, his mother found a way to bring comfort to an unforgiving time.

Holding a worn sweater, she guided Melo into the back seat of the car and gave her darling son a kiss on the forehead. Grace and dignity accompanied even in her simplest actions. In the passenger seat, she brought the sweater within a breathe of her nose. The scent of smoke and cologne reminded her of Melo’s grandfather. Tears ran down her flawless skin. At first, Melo was completely oblivious to what was occurring, only thoughts on how he was going to give Nicole the letter ran through his head until the tears were accompanied by subdued whimpers.

“Mother, are you okay?”

“Yes of course, my darling son.” Though Melo desperately wanted to climb out of his seat and touch his mother’s face, he accepted his mother’s response and remained in his seat. Fear and concern troubled his heart, but like all young boys when it came to courage, he lacked it.

The tears wouldn’t stop, yet the driver provided no comfort. It wasn’t indifference, but rather it was respect. Not including his own years of service, there was a long lineage of mutual understanding with his family and Ma’am’s. There was never a sense of superiority between the two families, but each family knew their boundaries, one being intervening in personal matters. From a small compartment behind the hand break, he took out a Beatles cassette and played it softly in the background, not enough to entirely drown the whimper but it provided a sense of privacy.

As they arrived at Melo’s piano lesson, the driver took his time parking the car providing a few extra seconds for everyone to regain composure. Truth of the matter was that Melo’s mother had collected herself a kilometer before arriving. She had already fixed her make up and concealed any evidence of tears. She waited for the driver to open her door before she oriented Melo, but as she unfastened her seat belt, Melo had already opened it.

“Okay, I’ll be right behind you. Listen carefully.”

Melo obediently nodded.

An elderly woman wearing a light blue dress waited at the entrance of the studio.

“Good morning, Mrs. Li.”

“Gorgeous day, isn’t Madam?”

“Indeed. I hope you’re doing well.”

“It’s been wonderful. I heard the most beautiful tunes today, and I’m looking for it to continue.”

“I appreciate the praise, but shall we? Melo and I have other obligations to attend after this lesson.”

“Of course. Of course, please this way.”

After ninety minutes of practicing Mozart and Chopin, it was clear that Melo had talent. For being only eleven years old, Melo had the potential to be a concert pianist, fluid, long and flexible fingers and a firm understanding of emotion in his composition. More importantly, he had all the resources to achieve such a goal. There was no problem in providing world-class instructors and obtaining the most sought out music sheets. It was just a matter of choice if Melo or his family wanted it to happen or not. As for the boy, he played the piano only for his mother. Other than Melo’s instructors and his immediate family, no other person in the world was given the pleasure of listening to his wonderful melodies.

As the clock hit exactly 10:55am, Melo thanked Mrs. Li and asked to be excused to find his mother. Sitting in a love seat behind Melo in the opposite side of the room, his mother, still holding the sweater, smiled so wide completely proud of her boy. Melo gathered his music sheets and escorted his mother out of the studio.

“Beautiful, absolutely beautiful Melo. Just like how we practiced it.”

“Thank you, Mother.” Melo tried containing his joy, but a smile escaped.

“Now, let’s hurry home. We mustn’t make your French and Spanish tutors wait.”

“Must we have French today?” Melo asked, clearly not looking forward to his tutors.

“Of course, otherwise your father will be angry. Now, let’s get into the car. We must get going.”

Obedient as always Melo entered the car without further resistance. He clearly was frustrated and scared. It was inevitable. His French tutor was about to destroy any self-esteem he had and his mother would allow it, believing that she must trust in the methods of the best instructors. When he was suppose to be practicing his French the previous night, he was mustering the courage to write and give a love letter to his classmate. He started wavering and began wondering if it was worth it. Mother would provide no comfort after a brutal lesson, and Father being disappointed would raise his hand allowing gravity to teach Melo a lesson in responsibility. The butterflies started mixing with adrenaline and the fear slowly morphed into courage as he suddenly yelled, “I don’t care if father gets angry! I don’t want to get tutored today!”

The driver turned off the radio. Melo knew father would get angry either way. He could at least save face.

“Melo, watch your tone.”

“Please mom.”

“You didn’t practice. Is that the reason why?”

“Yes.” Melo hesitantly said as he swallowed his pride.

“Then it’s more reason to attend.” Melo’s mother stayed firm.

Now agitated, Melo nearly screamed, “Why do I even need French! Father is never around anyways! I don’t even know why he would even care!”

She turned around and looked straight into Melo’s eyes. “Don’t talk about your Father like that.”

“Well its true. He’s never around. Tell me if I’m wrong. He could be doing anything. Anything but being here.”

Another Reflection played in its entirety once before Melo finally spoke a word.

“Growing up there, it’s not much different to how I live now. Everything was scheduled a month or two ahead of time. Tutors and instructors surrounded me, and Mother accompanied me to everything, quietly and patiently observing. Piano, French, Spanish, algebra, swim, fencing, basketball, and sometimes I would even have to accompany my father with his morning jogs.”

“That sounds horrible. Did you ever have fun? Did you have friends come over?”

“It made my mother happy.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“It’s hard you wouldn’t really understand.”

“Try me.”

“Well,” Melo sighed, “my happiness was my mother’s happiness. It might have been genetics, but my mother was the same. Her happiness was my Grandfather’s happiness. Grandpa was a strict and uncompromising man, traits that him successful, but it made it incredibly difficult for my mother to make that man happy, more so to inherit the corporation. She desperately wanted to make Grandpa proud and continue the legacy, but she had two problems: One, she was a woman. Second, my mother was not born with much talent, but she did compensate with discipline and doing things the proper way. She never cheated nor took any short cuts. Even when it came to courtship, she told me she made it almost impossible for any man. That is, until my father managed to win my mother’s heart. What was more impressive that was he able to convince the old bastard to give his daughter away.”

“How did he manage to do that?”

“He made a deal with the devil.”’

Mariel became increasingly more curious. It was just the distraction she needed to remove the butterflies from her stomach. At least briefly, Melo succeeded in providing a calm to Mariel’s heart.

“I remember the day my mother told me the story. We were driving home when I said the most awful things about Father. I was young, frustrated, and found courage for all the wrong reasons. It was the only time she ever hit. She asked the driver to pull over, opened my door, and repaid my disrespect with a force I never would forget. ”

Mariel just remained silent as she watched Melo continue the story. Though his eyes were on the road, Mariel could clearly see the reflection of a young boy in aged and tired eyes.

“Mother told me that I knew nothing. Though she knew I was still young, she would never allow that to be an excuse. Then it came out, the truth I had desperately wanted to know. Mother told me everything in its entirety. Father made a deal that would reverberate through the passage of every succeeding generation. In order to marry my mother, Grandpa had two conditions. One, he would be trained to run the corporation, a lifetime obligation. Second, all his children would carry Grandfather’s surname, a lifetime of sacrifice. It was the easiest decision of his life. He loved my mother that much. Though they spent more time apart, not a single moment was wasted when they were together.”

The only place she ever cried was in that car. At home, she couldn’t show any weakness. She had to be strong for her husband. A light week would include seventy hours of work. She knew her father would not be easy on the man if he were to eventually lead the corporation. Her father was not around most of her life, and now her husband would have to make the same sacrifice. The difference was her husband, tired and weary from work, would have a smile and joy of a sixteen-year-old boy who just had fallen in love just at the sight of her. Being strong at first was just an act, but as the years went on strength became a reality. She promised to herself she would not add needless worry to her husband’s life. She made sure their son would be provided with the very best education and given every opportunity to succeed in any venture. She would give him a son that he would be proud. It just brought such pain to hear her boy speak so poorly about the man she loved so dearly. She never wanted her son to resent his father.

“So what’s the real reason why you didn’t practice last night?” She asked with tears still running down her cheek. The shock of what transpired was still fresh. She could still feel in her hand. She was worried that Melo was being to resent his father. It was true he was rarely there for Melo. “Is it about father not waiting for you for his morning jog? You know Melo, there aren’t too many places in this world you can share your thoughts and heart in its entirety. In this car, we’re safe.

Melo rubbing his face said, “Nicole.”

“Who’s Nicole?” Shock moved from her hand to her eyes. After everything was said and done, the root of it all was a little girl. She gave a sigh of relief.

“A girl I like in my classroom. I was writing her a letter last night, but I don’t even know why I wrote it. She doesn’t even knows I exist.” Melo sighed, “I just didn’t want everyone to be disappointed in me. Sir Guy scares me, and I didn’t want Sir Guy and Father both to yell at me.”

She smiled. “We’ll reschedule tutoring today. We’ll drive around a little more. Tell me more about Nicole.”

“At the next right, we’ll be at the office, huh?” Mariel quickly reminded of reality as the car slowed down.

“Yes.”

“I don’t think I can push through with this.”

“It’s really up to you. We can go home if you wish.”

“Wait, park the car. Let me think.”

As Melo parked the car, Mariel impulsively took her leave and went straight to the office. She couldn’t wait any longer, and she wouldn’t allow Melo to accompany her. She needed to know regardless how Melo would react.

Melo waited in the car. Voice of Autumn played softly in the background. Tomorrow he would have to wake up early, work out, eat breakfast and take his morning meetings. He was excited to get lunch with Mariel. After work he would surprise Mariel with dinner before he would have to meet with the accountant. He smiled to himself.

“When did Mariel become the only woman I would spend anytime with?” he asked himself. Just a year ago, he told her that they shouldn’t get married, and yet for some reason she still remains. Slowly without him ever noticing, he was left only with one woman in his life not but by chance, but by choice. Unlike every other girl before her, she never asked Melo to change.

She had the results. But she waited outside. Thirty minutes had passed before she found the courage.

When Melo saw her walk out of the office with the paper in hand, he already knew. Her body language said it all. Things were about to change.

Dear Melo,

Not only did you inherit my name, but also you had inherited my childhood. How I wish I could have given you a different life. How I wish I could have been there for you more. I did try my best, but with my old age and the many hours I put in at work, there simply wasn’t enough time. You may not know this but your grandmother’s dream was to keep the legacy of the corporation. I still wanted to make my mother proud, and I made almost every sacrifice to make that happen. Some day, you’ll know the entire story. Your mother is beautiful in every sense of the word, and when you’re ready she’ll tell you everything. Please make her proud and just wait for that car ride. Be patient, Melo. Some day you’ll too realize that you also inherited your capacity to love. My dear son, I am going to give you a choice though. On your twenty-second birthday, you have the option to take the reigns of the corporation. Unlike generations before you, you will have a choice. It’s not a life for everyone. After I made my choice, it made every other choice easier. It was almost like I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t give what I didn’t have. I hope you understand that. Don’t worry if you don’t choose to take the responsibility or continue the legacy. You have a nephew who’s been training and eager to make a man out of himself. No rush, my son. Take the opportunity. What opportunity you see. May it be an escape from your Grandfather’s curse or a chance to become the leader you were born to become.

Your Father

Melo.

The Routine - A Short Story

Sat, 03 Nov 2012 03:45:16 -0400

“The past has a funny way of finding you, doesn’t it?” His hand moved the receiver closer to his ear.

“Yeah, it does, Dad. I can call you Dad, right?”

“Sure, whatever you want, kid.”

“I’d like us to meet. It won’t take long. Mom said. Actually Sandra said you’d give me this much, at least some of your time.”

“4^th and 26^th. Wildflower. 5pm. “ The phone call ended as “pm” left his tongue.

Melo wondered if the boy heard his instructions, but it gave him no comfort regardless if he did or not. He simply had to play his role. He would arrive fifteen minutes before five and give the boy exactly until six. Though this was not necessarily the first time the past came searching for him and probably won’t be the last, it was still rather troublesome. Slight modifications to his daily ritual were still unpleasant adjustments. A glance at his timepiece revealed it was exactly 10:14am.

A click of the remote sent a reverberation that filled the entire 250sqm loft. To say that his loft was one of a kind in the city of Manila would be an understatement. It was an architectural masterpiece, both soundproof to curious ears yet perfectly conducive to creating the perfect balance of sound to even the most untrained listener. During the day, there was no need for artificial light. Even most dull sunlight would fill every space of his beautiful loft. Shadows almost seemed non-existent in his world.

As With Rainy Eyes lingered in the background, Melo made no objections to the song choice and took his shower. Fifty carefully positioned jets created a feeling of a hot rain descending from an unforgiving sky. With his eyes closed, the steam hit his nostrils and filled his smoke battered lungs. It brought relief, but it was brief. Years of regret crept into his imagination.

“Sandra, huh.” He laughed and smiled to himself.

“It’s been far too long.” He shampooed his hair.

“Indeed it has.” Melo spoke to himself as the jets cleansed his body of any residue of soap or dirt.

Upon closing the door, he heard the vacuum expel any lingering moisture left in the shower. Where everything else was returned to its original condition, his naked body still produced an aura of steam. He sat down in the middle of the bathroom on an original Eames. The towel covered his head as he allowed the heat to naturally dissipate into the air.

In his closet rowed three-dozen perfectly sculpted suits and three-dozen fitted, white French-cuffed dressed shirts. Without much effort he just chose the closest to his proximity though most would have thought he had spent much time constructing his appearance. It only became easy after nearly a decade of experimenting and searching during his youth. There was a time where he spent only buying name brand suiting, totally unaware of cuts, fabric, and sense. Each morning was filled with a difficult choice among the names. Constructing an image of professionalism and class was his responsibility being an heir, a choice that was never his. It wasn’t till a business trip to Italy that brought him the first love of his life. He was nearly twenty-five at the time when he met an incredibly well dressed Italian, charm included, who instantly knew that Melo was wearing Zenga. Though the man admitted that he often used Zenga fabrics, he said he’d never wear their suits. In his own words, “It lacked a sense of identity and the refine taste that a dignified man would carry.” After a free fitting, Melo instantly fell in love with the fit, the fabric, the story, and the friendship that came with his suits. There was a certain comfort that he found in knowing there wasn’t a name attached to his appearance. Each following year he would buy two suits and allow his tailor complete freedom in its form and construction. He was never unsatisfied.

In the drawer, he chose a set of cufflinks that matched his gunmetal watch. There was no need for a tie, but he did manage to find a pocket square to fill in the role of the functionless.

He packed his briefcase with the necessary letters for the day, wore his shoes, and removed the keys from the holder. Down the elevator, Sandra appeared in his head again. Earlier that morning, he couldn’t remember what she looked liked, but now he could vividly recall her smile when said, “I do.” Her eyes had the utmost clarity to them. It pained Melo to think it ended only few years after he first made love to her. He fully knew he was going to break her heart, but she knew it as well.

Melo continued the day without any other disturbances. He got lunch with one of his girlfriends and quickly proceeded with one business meeting after another until it was nearly 4:30pm. Truth be told, there wasn’t much modification to his workday. The only difference was that dinner would have company. Dinner was designated as Melo’s time to enjoy his loneliness, but having dinner with an estranged son oddly made sense.

Wildflower made all the necessary arrangements though they were surprised that he arrived fifteen minutes earlier then scheduled. Melo signaled not to worry nor adjust the dinner plan without ever saying a word. He simply waved his hand, took out a book, and nodded slightly to the manager. At exactly 5pm, a young man, wearing clothing slightly too warm for the Manila climate, appeared in front of Melo’s table.

The boy sat in the vacant seat.

Melo was un-phased and continued with his daily ritual. He reached into his inside pocket and took out a silver case. He placed a perfectly packed cigarette between his lips.

“Kid, do you smoke? Would you want one?”

“Normally, I would say no. But I think I’ll be needing one.”

Melo opened his case allowing the boy to choose one of his own preferences. With one hand, Melo lit his Zippo in one fluid motion. Silence filled the blank spaces. Melo snapped his fingers without ever redirecting his blank stare. When the waiter arrived, he simply pointed at the young boy who sat in front of him. A menu and another dining set was prepared. Melo had no intention of starting the conversation. After nearly five minutes, the boy hesitantly initiated discourse.

“You must be wondering how I knew it was you?”

Melo had no reaction.

“Mom, I mean Sandra said you’d be the best dressed man sitting alone in one of the outdoor tables.”

Before Melo could enter the conversation the boy continued, “Looking at you, you’re nothing that I imagined. For some reason, I imagined you to be this incredibly overweight but polished man. Genetically speaking, it would be better that you never stood out in the crowd, but here you are. Sandra said I’d be struck, but I had no idea you’d be this good looking. For a man who is in his mid fifties, you could easily deceive even the most trained eyes.”

Melo smirked and quickly responded, “What do you want, kid? Do you need money?”

“No. No. No. Not at all.”

“Then what is it?”

“I just wanted to talk. I’m not completely sure where this conversation would lead me, but for some reason, maybe something completely intrinsic, I had to talk to you.”

“Then. Let’s talk”

Melo took out another finely packed cigarette and inhaled the hot air.

“Well, I guess I have to thank you. I always thought I got my looks from Mom, but I think I’m grossly mistaken. To be honest, there was a part of me that wished you were hideous, short, born with some sort of a genetic anomaly, or even just balding. But instead I’m sitting across from a man who hasn’t even lost a bit of fullness. I’m both relieved and angry. I hope you understand. I’m not trying to offend you, but I do believe in expressing my thoughts and feelings.”

Melo noticing that the boy’s cigarette asked, “Do you need a light?”

“Actually I’m trying to quit. I just felt more at easy having one available. Today would be the only exception. My girlfriend has been trying to make me quit for almost a year. I must admit though I haven’t smoked in five months.”

“Let me tell you a secret. In my mid twenties over two decades ago, I met a charming Italian. He made it no secret that he was much more knowledgeable in certain fields. This man humbled me. At some point he offered me his tailoring services at a certain cost. It wasn’t nominal, but it required one condition. I must never buy another suit from another tailor. He told me that the trick to quitting anything is to tell yourself that you would never again on any condition. There mustn’t be any exceptions. Long story short, I never bought another suit from any other tailor.”

The boy kept silent.

“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But when you have a choice. It becomes difficult to continuously choose between two things. What if you simply didn’t have a choice? It becomes easy, doesn’t it? If there are no exceptions, the only choice you have is not to smoke.”

“Interesting way of looking at it.”

“Just something for you to think about.”

Dinner was arrived without ever breaking the flow of the conversation. Eating and drinking a glass of red wine was just another extension of the Melo’s life. The boy unaware of what transpired, but he was now completely engulfed in Melo’s world.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Yes?”

“Doesn’t it bother you that I call you Dad?”

“Particularly? Yes, but I have no control over it. You have all the right to call me Father, Dad, or Pop’s. Whatever you want, really. There is no mistake about it. I was responsible for your creation.”

The boy contained his bitter chuckle. “Responsible, huh?”

Melo ignored the boy’s attempt at receiving an emotional reaction. Silence once again entered the conversation. Melo glanced at his watch. It was quarter to six.

“Kid, I never wanted to rush you. Maybe I should have told you this earlier, but I have to leave by 6. You have fifteen minutes left.”

“Wait.”

“You still have plenty of time. Just spend them wisely.”

The boy, already prepared, countered, “Last question. Why didn’t you just stay with mom and me?”

“I never wanted to be a father. And Sandra chose you.” Melo said with ease and without any hesitation.

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“This entire day. From the moment you called me till end of this dinner, not one thing changed in my daily routine. It’s been like this even before I met Sandra. The only time I can afford with anyone is that one-hour during lunch, this dinner, and the moment I have a choice between sleep or make love. When I was with Sandra, she filled all the blank spaces because she was able to. But when Sandra became pregnant, I chose my life, and Sandra chose yours. That’s the problem with choices. Sometimes it’s better not to have a choice.”

The boy was speechless.

The waiter brought the receipt and Melo quickly signed the bill. Melo removed his watch and looked at the boy. Looking at him closely, he couldn’t have been any older than eighteen, a generous approximation.

“I want you to have this. It’s fitting. The only thing my father ever gave me was his father’s Rolex. This isn’t quite the same, but regardless it is a Rolex. You can keep it, sell it, or even throw it away. But I want you to have this.”

Melo didn’t even allow the boy another chance to speak and simply left. Looking behind once, he saw the boy throwaway the cigarette.

Across the street waited the driver. He had already opened the door for Melo. Within fifteen seconds, the car was placed back into motion. There was no tinkering with the machine Melo called his life, though some things were interchangeable if you asked him. After meeting with his accountant, he would arrive at his loft at nine. Waiting for him was a young Spanish girl named Mariel, who prepared a glass of wine and a small snack, a pastrami sandwich on rye. He kissed her on her forehead with all the adoration and passion a man who was in love would, but no doubt about it she was different from the girl from lunch. Mariel shared her day over a glass of wine, and Melo too revealed everything in its entirety.

They made love that night.

In the morning, a dim light contoured Mariel’s naked body only revealing the perfection of youth. It didn’t bother Melo one bit, that he enjoyed the company of women half his age, nor did it seem to bother women to be with a man twice their age. Melo chose not to wake the sleeping beauty. It was 4am. He had two hours to work out, eat breakfast, and dress. At 6am, his first videoconference of the day with NY would occur.

Mariel woke up alone, like many mornings before. Fortunately, Melo had finished his fourth conference and his morning obligations. Breakfast was prepared in the kitchen. It was still steaming as if Melo knew exactly when she would wake up. It was 10:11am. Before he turned on the sound system and took his second shower of the day, he watched Mariel play with her food wearing nothing but his dress shirt.

Taking a bite into a fresh butter croissant, Mariel teasingly inquired, “Tell me more about the boy? Why didn’t you and Sandra work?

Following Melo into the bathroom, Mariel heard him say the words she already knew, “The same reason why we shouldn’t get married. I could never quit being single.”

What happened to the days when women really knew how to dress?...

Wed, 09 May 2012 01:31:51 -0400

What happened to the days when women really knew how to dress? All I see these days are tank tops and short shorts >_<.

"What’s 24 hours really? It’s just a three hour flight to Indiana, five hour drive to..."

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 02:33:06 -0400

““What’s 24 hours really? It’s just a three hour flight to Indiana, five hour drive to Michigan, and sixteen hour wait in front of your door.” - AJ”

Style in its finest.

Mon, 05 Dec 2011 08:13:07 -0500

Style in its finest.

Poem - Beautiful Darkness

Thu, 17 Nov 2011 05:08:31 -0500

Born without a strong shadow

Day by day, lost is the hour

Weak, alone, and very hollow

All would see one who cower

Even among lit lanterns, my shadow was faint

My existence just like those who have it all

Never did I consider it searching

Like the God who seeks the relentless Saint

I care not if I had was minimal

Happiness was found without ever taking

Reflection of a shadow

Silent moon ticks at the hour

Such awe at the sun’s power

Naïve, sight is so shallow

Not till I walked the crowded hallways did it resonate

You shined, though running into a wall was a mistake

Dressed all in white, mysterious in your perfection

I needed to know your name, your batch, and your section

My eyes found you but never lost

One thing I knew this is not lust.

Tale of disappearing moon

The trade for the rising sun

Words whispered in the room

Was chance forever gone?

Learned the word and feeling: Kilig

Fear and happiness existed in one

Couldn’t help it, nahihiya ako naman

Impossible to hide a secret so big

The sun and the moon always living in apartness

But together we’re just beautiful darkness

You’re like the sun all you ever do is shine

And every time I see you we eclipse

Blocking out my thoughts I can’t think But I love it

I think I found what I wanted… Love

Much credit to Olu for the final stanza. For those you have listened to the song yet, its a great song. Beautiful Darkness - Olu off of the Boys and Girls EP.

"What scared me the most was the capacity in which I could love you."

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 14:35:39 -0400

“What scared me the most was the capacity in which I could love you.”

"Our love was fragile to begin with, but it didn’t make it any less moving to me."

Sun, 23 Oct 2011 02:51:23 -0400

“Our love was fragile to begin with, but it didn’t make it any less moving to me.”

Steps back and forward.

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 05:34:00 -0400

So I hope you guys don’t mind me adding quotes. I been adding them lately and I probably continue placing them up here indefinitely.

I’m trying to make this blog as interactive as possible. I also want to share my creative process with you guys. So maybe one day, you’ll see a quote and maybe at some point you’ll see a story that goes along with it. Since when I write short stories, I normally start out with a feeling I’m trying to convey and usually the first thing that comes to mind is a quote or a simple line. From there, a story comes alive. Truth the of the matter is, when someone says “I love you.” It is culmination of events, feelings, and people that lead up that moment that made it so significant. I just apply that to the quotes that pop into my head or things I read recently. I find the reason why they would say this or I start imaging scenarios where this quote could apply. This is usually the start of my creative process.

On the last note, I’ll be experimenting with a few different genres of writing in the next few entries I hope you guys will enjoy. Most of the my stories have a realistic feel to it, I’m experimenting with fantasy, sci-fi, and other stuff. Hopefully it can all come together.

Till the next time.

"For the longest time, your existence has been all in my imagination."

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 09:06:35 -0400

“For the longest time, your existence has been all in my imagination.”

"There’s a certain amount loneliness that you were only able to soothe. Maybe you were the..."

Sat, 15 Oct 2011 04:47:39 -0400

““There’s a certain amount loneliness that you were only able to soothe. Maybe you were the only one who ever understood me.””

Finding any sort of happiness can be difficult. Life tends to give more problems, heartaches,...

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 01:37:32 -0400

Finding any sort of happiness can be difficult. Life tends to give more problems, heartaches, and doldrums than moments when you can say you’re actually happy. More often than not we choose not to be happy. It’s true. There’s a certain amount of fear being happy. Subconsciously we all believe that struggles and even to some extent tragedy are needed to find happiness. When the opportunity to be happy comes, we hesitate and over think it. With a blink of the eye, the moment had already passed. Where heartache, depression, anger linger and at times never leave, Happiness is something that readily comes and goes. It is something we shouldn’t have to think about. It is so rare that we must take each and every opportunity to be Happy. The days of being lonely, bored, and unsatisfied will greatly out number the days that we are Happy. Yet we are all aware and recall all the moments that made us smile and forget about even being happy, you’re just happy without a second thought: Waking up next a lover (not feeling alone), the birth of your first child, eating you favorite food on your birthday, reaching the top of a mountain, getting a well earned promotion. During those times, life seems to move on its own, yet we often deny ourselves of those moments.

The words selfishness, justification, and fear often deter us from actually grasping on the few moments that could really change our lives for the better. We often consider other’s happiness before ours and It costs of the our own happiness. The truth is that we often don’t think we deserve to be happy or find success. Working and struggling is something we all know well. At some point when the opportunity comes to be happy, we don’t think we worked hard enough or deserved it. We become too familiar and accustomed to the life we have, it’s safe. We allow the moment to pass. For if happiness comes into our lives, at some point it’ll leave. There is a level of security in denying yourself of being happy. You won’t have to deal with the absence when it is gone. It’s scary and there’s a certain amount of responsibility when you accept blessings into your life. One just must remember it’s not selfish to be happy. It’s a God given right. If you feel you haven’t earned it, nothing is stopping you from earning it. So, Just Be Happy.

When I pray, I seldom pray for health, wealth, or success. I do admit at times I’m guilty for asking for them. I am selfish like everyone else, but normally, what I pray for is my friend’s, family’s, and in general people’s happiness. You can’t avoid life’s problems, challenges, or illnesses, but you can be happy with your life regardless of the situation. I hope that life gives them the opportunities to be happy or simply they find happiness in the the life they have. We all could use a reason to smile time to time.

Lucky Charm - A Short Story

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 06:29:00 -0400

Spring-cleaning in the fall isn’t really Spring-cleaning is it? It’s just cleaning, right? Well, that’s exactly I’m doing. I’m cleaning the mess in my house; it’s really my house now. All it took was a lottery ticket, a lawyer, and a signature. It was really quick. The long part was cleaning, definitely cleaning the house. I really needed get rid of all the clutter, books, and most importantly the memories. Years of junk filled the house. I started with the library. Deciding on the books I would keep and the books I was going to donate was a difficult task. Some had more sentimental value then others; never the less they all couldn’t stay.

I jumped from one project to another, always leaving just enough work to finish within a few minutes. For some reason, I wanted to have a long list of things to do, but I also wanted a long list of things I accomplished. When I finally got to my old room, I couldn’t believe how dusty and aged it had become after all those years. Photos, trophies, and letters scattered the room. Buried among the remnants of my youth laid my fondest memories. Her name was Charm.

Charm was my best friend and my sister. I think I should introduce myself before I tell you the rest of the story. My name is Crystal. When I was nine years old, Charm’s family adopted me. At first Charm and I did not get along so well. She was a year older then me, and I’m not afraid to say it but Charm was a brat. I on the other hand was still quite shy. It took a long time before I finally got use to living with them. Even though Charm was a brat and at times incredibly selfish, she had a kindness and eagerness that help me feel like it was my family as well. My foster parents, actually I’d rather call them mom and dad, were amazing. They gave me an opportunity I would have never had if I stayed in the foster program. I thank them for everything. My life will always be indebted to them. Charm probably encompassed the best part of my childhood. I envied everything she had: her family, her outgoing nature, and in many senses her life. Charm had it all, I was just fortunate enough to be on the same ride with her. She was the lucky one. But enough with that I must start my story now.

Like I said Charm and I were best friends. Yes, you heard it correctly, were. It’s past tense now. It’s been almost two years since everything changed. It’s almost funny how fast everything could change. After we went college, distance got the best everyone. We use to be a close-knit family, but Charm decided to go to Stanford and I went to Rutgers. In my third year of college, financial problems hit our family. Dad lost his job and Mom got sick. Though they didn’t want to affect education, money was incredibly tight. Charm stopped attending college even though she on her last semester. She went back home to take care of mom. I still continued going to school since mother was stubborn to give one specific thing. Ever since they adopted me, they just wanted to give me a better future and that started with giving me an education. I knew that was the very beginning of the bitterness Charm had for me.

I started organizing all the photos that filled the house. As I stared, at family Christmas pictures I remembered being so out of place. Even though they were my family, they were more Charm’s family. Especially the first couple years, I definitely looked out of place among the rest of the family. I seldom smiled. As the years soon piled up, I learned to smile. My jealously for Charm slowly diminished but it never completely went away. I was just happy that I was no longer alone. I bought new picture frames and placed all the family photos strategically through out the house. It took nearly three weeks to completely clean the house, but I got it finished. All the dust cleaned. The old magazines and trash were thrown out. The house was placed back into its original condition except the house was covered with photos of times when life was much easier. Growing up was a beautiful time for all of us. Though we fought and struggled to understand each other. We loved each other, and we didn’t fear losing everything. How things quickly change.

In my last semester at Rutgers, mom got worse. Dad took the first job he could find after he lost his job a year ago. It was difficult and he only could find a job that paid significantly less. They were about to lose the house. To be honest, they did lose the house. It was completely devastating. Charm always wanted to raise her family there. Dad took it with stride. He did all he could do to make sure Mom would survive. Charm got a job as well. Between work and taking care of mom, Dad and Charm could barely find anytime for themselves. Even though we were best friends, Charm stopped talking to me. As much as I wanted to help mom and work, I couldn’t break her heart and not finish my degree. She thought I betrayed our family and I was selfish, but I also couldn’t bring myself to tell her mom wanted me to finish school more than her. Mom always knew Charm would survive some how. Even if she never finished school, she had a moxie that would carry her in any field. And this was true. Charm found a job, as an analyst and she quickly became a consultant. She was almost a genius at economics. It did take her some time to find that kind of success. I know it wasn’t much but I started buying lottery tickets every week during my last semester. Unfortunately, it was too late. We lost the house, and we didn’t even have enough money to move the all our items into storage. Since Charm and I were out of the state, Dad just left it in the home. Dad didn’t care. It was all worth it. Charm lost her childhood, and I was graduating with honors. It was a bittersweet day for mother. Charm was bitter. For the first time, I knew she was jealous of me.

I couldn’t find a job right after college. I didn’t have Charm’s luck or moxie. Even with honors, literature and journalism are difficult jobs to get into. I struggled with so many issues that spring and finding a job was the least of them. To say Charm was upset at me would be an understatement. After losing the house, every single penny went to mom’s hospital bills, medication, and rehabilitation. For all those who are concerned with my mother, she survived though we almost died with her not literally. What with little money I saved up, I continued to buy lottery tickets. I tried calling Charm. I know the exact time and date. It was June 28, 2010 at 3:44. It was the day Charm and I stopped being friends and sisters. I called to ask for money, and that ended it. She could not believe I could ask for anything more after our parents gave us everything. Nearly two years of bitterness and jealously finally exploded though the phone call. After she said everything, she said good-bye. I tried calling 34 times in the span of two hours, another important number. She never once ignored my phones in nearly 13 years of my life. Though she can be incredibly nice, she has a level of vengeance that cannot be taken lightly. I knew she was serious. That day I bought a ticket with the following numbers 3, 6, 10, 20, 28, 34, 44. Charm’s luck even extended further then she could imagine. Next time next week, I had won 3.5million dollars. After taxes, it was a cool two million dollars.

The first thing I bought was our old house. I did not tell my family immediately that I won the lottery or I that I had bought house. I had only one chance at this and I had to go through the right channels. Charm was not going forgive me so easily. By the time I had the money in my bank account and I bought the house, fortunately no one had bought since it was foreclosed, it was already August. During that entire time, Charm did not speak to me for almost 4 months straight. Mom and Dad tried everything to get us civil, but Charm was once again being a brat. She was incredibly stubborn, but that stubbornness has brought her so much success.

When Charm found out the house was finally sold, mother told me she broke down. Charm took a leave of absence from work and immediately flew back home. I was preparing a surprise of a lifetime. I told the broker and realtor not to disclose the buyer and inform my mother and Charm that they may visit the house one last time before the house is renovated.

We all met up at the house. No one entered the house until every family member arrived. To my surprise, Charm brought her boyfriend. Mom and Dad welcomed him with open arms though I never even knew of his existence. It was the first time we had been together in such a very long time, so adding another person to this event didn’t really matter all that much to me. I was just happy we could be together again. Not too long ago, mom could have died. Not too long ago Dad lost his job. And not too long ago Charm and I were friends. Charm didn’t introduce me to her boyfriend nor did I approach the two. I could barely keep my tears in. Charm had angry eyes and her boyfriend knew it. He grasped her hand to soothe her trouble. When we reached the front door. I opened it.

I can tell you that the house was absolutely beautiful and completely flawless. My mother’s face was priceless. There was a certain amount of happiness you could not put into words. My mother immediately hugged my father. They were all shocked of the pristine condition of the house. I finally told them the truth. All the work I put into the house, and the luck that Charm had given me. On top of it, I told them that I was giving the house back to Mom and Dad. They were in disbelief. Then I called the broker to inform Charm and my parents of the buyer. The realtor disclosed that I had bought the house three weeks ago. I took out the deed and signed it over to my mom and dad. Charm just was completely in shock. I still didn’t have the courage to approach her. Father just smiled. His eyes watered but being the pillar of strength, he did not allow a single drop to fall.

The moment I was finally hugged it was from behind. Charm jumped on me nearly tackling me to the floor. She didn’t say but I knew were finally good again. I didn’t cry. I was happy that our family was together again and we were finally happy again. Two years of hardship is difficult on any family, but we made it. Charm and mother just kept crying though they were joyous cries. I smiled. I finally was able to give back to the family that gave me everything.

Charm’s boyfriend wandered around the house. I approached him while he held a family picture when I was eleven. And then he said the words that I thought I would never hear in my life.

“You and Crystal are definitely sisters. I have a sister myself. You know you have your mother’s smile and you have your dad’s eyes.”

It was the first time anyone saw any resemblance between my mother and me. Without even noticing it, I had tears running down my cheeks.

“It’s only natural that I have my mother’s smile.”

Update // Fears

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 13:08:00 -0400

I’m not completely sure what I’m going to write about tonight, but I’m trying to keep this blog as updated as possible. I have a short story on the way for those who are waiting for new material. The title is tentative but I’m growing fond of “Lucky Charm.” Hopefully I’ll have it done sometime next week. I’m shooting for a Friday completion.

The second part of this entry…. well you’ll understand after reading it.

I’m scared. It’s hard being honest about being scared. No one really wants to admit their fears, especially men. It’s a sign of weakness. It’s demonstrates that you’re lacking something. It’s being vulnerable. It’s hard to swallow those thoughts. It’s even harder to accept and deal with your fears. Most just avoid it entirely. What I’m afraid of is… commitment. It’s even harder to swallow that fact when I’m a romantic at heart. I believe whole heartedly that men are good, but it takes the right woman and at times the right time for that man to be good. I’m no different. I would consider myself a good and honest man, but I have a certain amount of fear when it comes to committing. Though I desperately want to meet my life partner, my wife, my soulmate, I can’t seem to have a relationship that lasts a year. That desire may have also lead to the destruction of many hearts. It takes a certain amount of courage to invest in another person. I don’t have that courage. There’s a confidence inside of me that says I’ll know her when I meet her. For some reason, I’ll keep choosing her over and over again. It’s not logical, but I’ll just want it that badly. It may sound crazy, but my method is really to find a woman that just makes me want it that much. But is it any crazier then to think that if you’re with someone long enough, they become what you want. In both cases, we’re all looking for some sort of certainty even though we’re gambling every thing on it.

I’ll probably continue breaking hearts until I find her. I might even get my heart broken along the way. What is certain is that I believe in my process. I don’t doubt I’ll meet her. I do get tired of dating. At times I even may waver, lose hope, and want to quit my system. But this woman I may or may not have met yet is enough reason to pick up the bat and swing again. I don’t know what she looks like. I don’t even know what she likes or dislikes. I mean I do have qualities I like about girls, but I’m not even certain she’ll have those qualities. All I know is she’s going to enter my life. I may not even be prepared for it, most likely I won’t be prepared for it. But I’m not scared of that. I know I’ll try my hardest and Ill continue working for her. Like I said before, for some reason I just keep choosing her. I just want my life partner, my wife, my soulmate. I want her to have my children. There’s a loneliness inside of me that only she can soothe. I’m not even scared of being alone. I have so much faith we’d cross paths.

So where does this fear of commitment come from? People would normally think its because I’m afraid to get hurt, I don’t want waste time being someone I don’t love, or I’m just not ready for it. They all have merit and I can argue for all of them, but that’s not it. I think its just my way of figuring it all out. I know some people just look for some one they can be vulnerable with or find some sort of crazy passion or someone they can finally be comfortable with. Once they find that’s it. Maybe my fear isn’t really a weakness but my strength. Does it not have value when I find a woman that doesn’t make me feel scared to commit? It has tremendous value. It has the same weight of a man who keeps all his problems to himself and he finds a woman to share the weight because he trusts her. We all have a process of selecting and weeding out potential life partners. Being scared and being uncertain is okay. I really believe that. What I believe is necessary is being able to be flexible enough to allow things to happen. I also believe that you have to genuinely and whole heartedly have faith in your process. You may even fail, but does that really matter if you end up finding Love in the end? Even though I’m scared of commitment, I allow women into my life, affect my life, and even change my life. I let them into my world. I share myself hoping that they can know me. Maybe I’m not really scared of commitment at all? Maybe It’s just my crazy process of finding Love.

“It’s never been about overcoming your fears. It was finding it within yourself to say it’s okay to be scared.”

“The thing I found most attractive about you was your courage.”

“Even though I was scared of thunder, I slept best when it rained”

“Was I scared when I kissed you? Definitely scared, but I haven’t regret it yet.”

Just a few quotes to end the post.

Mother's Gift - A Short Story

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 09:19:00 -0400

The ringing of an alarm clock filled a small studio apartment. On other days, Laura would have slammed the snooze button. The dreadful ringing would normally mark another day of grueling, tedious work. But today was different; it was Sunday. It was the only day of the week that Laura would welcome any sort of reminder that it was her time to be awakened from her deep slumber. Next to the picture frame of her mother, she turned off her alarm.

Sundays have always been important to Laura. She would spend at least an hour of her Sunday morning sitting in the park bench her mother took her to when she was growing up. Though her mother pasted away right after she graduated college, the park bench kept Laura connected to her mother. It also kept some sort of peace and balance to her often hectic and busy life. It was a reminder of a time when life was much easier and the warmth of a family was easily felt.

Like every other Sunday, Laura would spend a few minutes staring at her boyfriend hoping he would spend his morning with her, but to no avail, he too had a Sunday ritual. He would sleep until at least one in the afternoon. Being a DJ and working another full time job, sleep became an increasingly rare commodity though he did promise to accompany her some day. Laura knew it was part of being in a relationship. It was one of the many compromises that she made to keep the relationship going. Like her mother, Laura had an incredible sense of loyalty.

Laura got out of bed and placed her feet on the frigid floors. She quickly hopped across studio minimizing the contact of her bare feet with the wooden floors. Though she loved the cold San Francisco air, the mornings can be grueling even to those would have the highest cold tolerance. Even with a lifetime of experience, she refused to wear socks to bed or buy slippers. She made it difficult for herself, but for her, it was part of living in the city. Enjoying a hot shower was also a pleasure that only those who lived in the city knew. She took pride in this fact, and she rewarded herself with a long steamy shower.

The drive to the park was short, never taking more than 10 minutes. Armed with a pocket book and a coffee filled thermos, Laura anxiously paced herself towards to the only place in the world that was completely hers. As she neared, her eyes fixated on a young, little boy, a boy that couldn’t be a day older than nine. He quietly slept in a tightly wrapped, oversized Warrior’s hoodie. Curiosity overwhelmed Laura. She wondered where the boy’s parents could be. She grew worrisome. The only way she was going to get any answers was by asking them. The boy was almost too peaceful to approach, but never the less, she gently shook the boy’s shoulders.

“Wake up, sweetie.”

The young boy didn’t want to be awakened. He hid his face under his hoodie. Laura once again shook his tiny shoulders; this time it didn’t take long before he finally opened his eyes. Hidden behind it all were these incredibly deep royal blue eyes. Laura was completely captivated, lost the in the young boy’s stare.

“Hello.” The boy said as he rubbed his eyes. “I’m Mickie.”

Laura took a moment before she could respond. With a flutter of her eyes, she said, “Hello, there Mickie. I’m Laura. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure thing, lady.”

“Why are you sleeping here all alone?”

“I’m just taking a nap.” He spoke in such an honest and genuine manner. Laura couldn’t help herself from entertaining his candor. His innocence was completely enthralling.

“And why would you do such a thing? All by yourself on top of that?”

“I got tired of waiting for my uncle. He’s so bad at hide and go seek.”

“Shouldn’t you find your uncle now? He’s probably worried looking for you.”

“Can’t, uncle said to never leave my hiding spot.”

“Well, I guess we’re going to have to just wait here for your uncle then. Do you mind if I wait with you, Mickie?”

“Sure thing, lady.”

Laura took out her book and sat right beside the young boy. She had no intention of actually reading a single page. It was more out of habit after all those years. It brought clarity and consistency. She often retreated to this place or to be specific, a feeling. She thought to herself that the act of just living often brings a feeling of lifelessness. Before she knew it, she was lost in deep contemplation.

“Lady, what are you thinking about?”

Laura hesitated. She quickly thought of a lie, “How wonderful today was. But nothing really anything in particular.”

“Liar.” He said with conviction.

“You caught me.”

“So what is it lady?”

“I was thinking that today is really the only day I can really feel anything.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, I’m not completely sure, Mickie, but if I really had to explain it. I would say this specific bench makes me feel happy.”

“So you’re not happy most of the time?”

Laura took a moment to think. Though close to her would consider her life to be full of happiness considering she has a good career, a loving boyfriend, and supportive friends, reality was much further from that perception. Happiness was something that alluded her most of her life. She retreated to places where she struggled. It was a feeling that never left her. Struggling and to some extent suffering was one of the few things that made her feel. It was familiar. It kept her close to her mother. The pain never really left her, but as long as the pain was there, her mother could never really die.

“I guess.” Laura responded indifferently. She wasn’t prepared to have this kind of conversation especially on a Sunday morning.

“My uncle says if want to be happy, you just have to get an ice cream. I usually get a Drumstick. It’s the best”

“That sounds wonderful, Mickie. I would love a Drumstick right now.”

“Let’s go get one.”

“I thought you couldn’t leave your hiding spot.”

“I’ll just call uncle to meet me by the ice cream truck.” Mickie took out a cell phone from his pocket and calmly called his uncle. Laura was boggled to the idea of a nine year old carrying a cell phone. She remembered getting her first cell phone in college. How the times have changed she thought.

“…meet me at the ice cream truck.” Mickie said to his uncle. He quickly shut his phone and began walking. Laura simply followed for two reasons one being partly curious and the other partly craving a Drumstick.

Mickie was energetic and joyous. The idea of actually having a Drumstick in a few short minutes made him smile so wide you couldn’t help but smile with him. Laura became victim of his infectious grin.

Just beyond the gates awaited a rustic ice cream truck that seemed almost out of place among the scattered hybrid cars. How the times have changed Laura thought once again.

Mickie ecstatically ran towards the ice cream truck. Laura trailed only a few steps behind.

“Drumstick again, Mick?”

“Again?” Laura said with a puzzled look.

“Yup, two of them, Uncle AJ.”

All Laura could see was an arm handing Mick the objects of his jubilation.

“Here, lady. Eat it before it melts.” His smile seemed almost too big for his tiny face.

Laura thanked Mick and walked toward the ice cream truck. She had all the intention to pay for her guilty indulgence. At first, all she could see was the man’s back. He noted the red flannel shirt, worn out Levi’s, and a purple handkerchief in his back pocket. Laura couldn’t do anything but at stare at his build and the nicely shaped butt. He had to work out she thought. She quickly assumed that the man was gay. They did live in San Francisco reminded her self.

“It’s on the house.”

“No, no. I can’t.” Laura took out a five-dollar bill from her wallet. She made eye contact with this lumbar jack of a man. He oozed with masculinity. Though his facial hair was unkempt, it fell perfectly on his face extenuating his best features, one being his smile. He grinned.

“Really, lady. It’s on the house. Thank you for taking care of Mickie. He has a way of just doing what he wants. He has the best intention though.”

Laura wanted to insist on paying, but this man exhibited an aura of control. She knew she wasn’t going to be able to change his mind.

“Names, Ralph.”

“Nice meeting you Ralph”

“This is where you normally introduce yourself.” Ralph smirked.

“It’s Laura.”

“Nice meeting you Laura,” Ralph winked. “What brings you to this park?”

“Just to read and get away.”

“Get away from what?” Ralph like his little nephew had a way to pierce people with questions. He was blunt and nearly crass as he said, “Something’s wrong with your life.”

Without the innocence or charm of Mickie, Laura became irritated. She could feel Ralph’s arrogance.

“Nothing at all.” Laura dictated.

“Really. I can tell there’s something wrong with you. It’s more than obvious. Mickie probably saw right through you. He seldom asks anyone to get ice cream with him.”

“What is that suppose to mean. Really, I don’t need your help.” Laura bit her lip before she said any thing offensive. “I think I should go.”

She searched for Mickie and said her goodbyes. Laura heard, “Wait. I’m sorry,” but she chose to ignore those words. She just kept walking towards her car.

Laura got into her ride somewhat irritated. She didn’t even get a chance to clear her head this week, and now she has to go home to a man who’s only going to demand breakfast. At least I have someone to go home to she thought.

“Where were you this morning?” He asked as Laura walked into the apartment. She didn’t even respond. She went straight to her bedroom to sleep. She had a long week ahead of her anyways.

“So I’m guessing you’re not cooking breakfast today?” The door slammed before those words ever got to Laura.

Work and research composed most of her week. A few dinners out were the few bright spots of the week. Unfortunately they were with friends and not with her boyfriend. He stayed home watching T.V. following the Giants. She hated baseball, a sport she could not stand watching. If it was at least basketball, she could have enjoyed. Laura began to feel the distance between her and her boyfriend though nothing really changed. They made love in the morning whenever they can. It felt more habitual more than anything. She thought to herself when did she stop feeling the Love when she made love? It was definitely becoming more like sex though she must admit he was a very good at what he did. Like every other week, she longed for Sunday to come.

Saturday night came. It was one of the few nights of the month her boyfriend actually spent the time to watch a movie. It was at home but never the less, Laura appreciated the time he put aside for her. The only disappointing part of the night was that he left right after the movie ended. He had to be at the club before 10 to ready his set. He had been working a mash-up between ABDC and Kanye West hoping it’d kill the room. Laura realized at that moment that she was not even second in his life.

It was another Saturday night that she went to sleep alone. Though she was never worried that he was ever going to cheat on her, she worried if the Love was really there. Sunday morning came, and habits did not die. He, still in his clothes from the club, slept through her morning rituals.

It was odd. As she drove to the park, instead of the park bench being the first image in her head, she imagined Mickie’s blue eyes. She wondered if he was going to be there, but she had doubts. All those years, they never crossed paths what were the chances for them to cross paths again. Her sentiments about his Uncle differed. Laura did not mind if they never crossed paths ever again.

Laura entered her sanctuary. It differed from the previous week because it was like any other week. The morning birds chirped, the cold, moist air made it almost difficult to breathe, and the morning dew left their marks on Laura’s shoes. It was peaceful though she was not at peace. Laura for some reason wanted more. She wanted to see Mickie again. She wanted to get another Drumstick.

She took her pocket book out and tried to read. To no avail, she could not enjoy the simplicity of the day. The minutes passed. After half an hour, she heard a laughter in the distance. It was infectious. She couldn’t help but smile. She secretly hoped it was Mickie.

Curiosity got the best of her though she would normally ignore such a distraction and continue with her thoughts and reading, but today was slowly becoming different, without much thinking, she got from her bench and searched for the source. Laura quickly realized it was the laughter of two individuals. She didn’t want to hope it was Mickie and his Uncle, but when she saw a little boy and a burly man playing tag, she couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe that they were the two.

Laura kept her distance though she was quite visible from their eyesight given they actually took the time to look for her. She smiled and enjoyed the genuine Love the two had and the sheer enjoyment they shared. They ran for what seemed like till exhaustion. When Ralph finally caught Mickie, they both fell to the ground laughing. She almost couldn’t understand the happiness they shared. All she could think of was, “Where was Mickie’s parents? Where did they find all that energy?” Secretly those questions didn’t mattered. Laura just wanted to be part of it. How she wished to laugh and smile without any regards.

Mickie finally noticed Laura. He turned to his Uncle and made a brief statement before he ran towards Laura.

“Hey Lady! Didn’t think I’d see you again. I miss you! Let’s get another Drumstick together. This time, no leaving!” Mickie gave Laura a massive hug. Laura in shock could not stop herself from smiling and laughing.

“Definitely, wouldn’t have it any other way. How are you Mickie?” Laura asked joyously.

“Better now, Lady.” Mickie grabbed Laura’s hand and dragged her towards the area Ralph laid.

For some reason, Laura did not take her eyes off Ralph. He watched him position himself in a very relaxed sitting position.

“Hello, pretty lady. I just want to say I’m sorry.”

“So you use your nephew to get me here?”

“Not my intention, but Mickie got so excited when he saw you. He’s very fond of you for some reason”

“Not true. You’re the one who talked about Lady all this week.” Mickie interjected.

“You got me. I’m guilty. Once again I’m sorry if I was rude the other week. I had no intention of offending you. I come off sometimes a little too straight forward.”

Laura did not want to believe him but there was genuineness in his voice, and she did not want to a hold a grudge of a misunderstanding.

“Apology accepted.” Laura responded.

“Thank God!” Ralph and Mickie said simultaneously as they made eye contact.

The two boys could not stop laughing. Laura shortly followed afterwards with her own laugh. Mickie rolled around the grass smiling and giggling like a schoolboy, his uncle did not differed much.

When they finally all stopped laughing, Mickie pulled Laura’s hand down to get closer to her ear and whispered, “Thank you, Lady. Uncle would have felt so bad if you didn’t forgive him. I think he likes you.”

An unfamiliar feeling twisted and fluttered in her stomach. She catching butterflies and she didn’t even realize it. She politely responded with a thank you.

The three spent the rest of the day playing games, running around the park, and Ralph took every opportunity to glance and speak with Laura. His candor completely changed. Laura could not believe a man so masculine could be so gentle and caring. She watched Ralph unintentionally flex his muscles as he tried to catch Mickie and throw him in the air, a sight that brought her so much joy. She always wanted to experience that when she was a little girl but never did since her father was never around. Laura was happy though that Mickie had such an Uncle in his life. Lucky kid she thought. When finally couldn’t keep up with the two she rested under the shade of a tree. Ralph followed.

“He’s wonderful, isn’t he?” Ralph said as the two watched Mickie kick a soccer ball around.

“Mickie’s something.” Laura responded.

“He’s a strong kid. You wouldn’t know that he lost he parents only three years ago.”

Laura felt a very familiar pain, loss. “That’s a very sad story. So that means you lost someone as well?”

“My older brother.”

“My condolences.”

“Thank you. It’s okay though. Mickie was a blessing. He came into my life at the right time. I never thought my brother would give me that kind of a responsibility.”

Ralph got up, and said, “Excuse me for a minute. Can you watch Mickie for me.”

When Ralph returned he had three Drumsticks in hand. He gave one to Mickie and approached the tree Laura quietly sat.

“It’s on the house. I’m sorry again for last week.” Laura could feel that Ralph wanted to change from the previous topic. Laura politely thanked him. The two enjoyed their ice cream in silence. It was nearing the afternoon and Laura almost had to leave, but she was finally happy that she enjoy a moment of peace.

“I have to leave in a few minutes.”

“I understand.” Ralph stared emptily into the field.

“I’ll see you two next week?”

“I can’t imagine why not.” Ralph smiled. “To be honest, I’m looking forward to it.”

Laura said her good-byes and gave a kiss on Mickie’s cheek. She whispered, “Your secret is safe with me.”

Life continued on. Work and research once again took control of Laura’s life. The bills came in. Her boyfriend started taking up weekday gig’s after his mash-up blew up in the club. She slept more days alone, but it did not matter. She found happiness in the anticipation of Sunday mornings.

The following Sunday the two restless boys waited for Laura’s return to the park. She brought red velvet cupcakes for them to share. They spent the entire day talking, playing, and catching up. It was a beginning of a very important friendship. They began sharing their lives with each other, and Mickie began to be increasingly fond of Laura often trying to steal her attention away from his Uncle. Sharing a Drumstick too soon became a ritual among the three of them, and it often ended the day. Never did Laura imagine herself sitting on her Mother’s bench sharing an ice cream with two outrageously wild boys. Though she must admit, their honesty was so incredibly appealing. They had a certain charm that they carried.

Ralph and Laura finally exchanged numbers not allowing chance to dictate their lives though the next following two months were filled of more of the same. She found happiness when she was with them, and Ralph began to give her words of encouragement during the weekdays. Even with all the advances, she was still loyal to her boyfriend. Regardless if there was Love or not, she did not have the strength to end the relationship. Like her mother, she had a difficult time of hurting people and chose to suffer or hurt herself instead. Sex became less frequent and her boyfriend spent more and more nights apart. She almost couldn’t remember the last time they had a date.

On the day of their anniversary, which happened to land on a Sunday, Laura desperately hoped that her boyfriend would accompany her to the park. She wanted him to meet her new friends and most importantly just be with her. Never the less, she woke up to the same old, tired boyfriend. The last year proved that nothing would change. Though she was disappointed, she wasn’t surprised. He worked the previous night.

“You do realize it’s your anniversary and you’re spending it with us, right?” Ralph said bluntly.

“It’s okay. Maybe he has something surprised later tonight.”

Ralph could see that she was disappointed. Laura tried to act strong but she grew weak as they continued talking about her anniversary.

“And you do realize that you deserve better.” Ralph wanted to say that he couldn’t imagine not accompanying Laura not even once in al those years of being with her.

“Really, it’s okay. I’m not really expecting anything. I can’t do anything about this anyways even if I wanted to do something.”

Ralph couldn’t just watch Laura compromise, but they ended up changing topics anyways. Ralph got them a couple of Drumsticks and did whatever he could do to cheer Laura up. Though it was a quiet Sunday morning, they made the best of it. Mickie was able to make Laura smile a few times just with his smile and laughs alone. His charm had no ends.

Nearing lunchtime, Laura received a text from her boyfriend asking where she was at the park. She was fortunately just at her bench. She waited for him anxiously. Ralph tried to ease her anxiety. When he finally arrived, nearly thirty minutes have passed. She grew frustrated and Ralph could see it on her face. It was just one disappointment after another she thought.

When Laura’s boyfriend finally arrived. He had nothing in hand, dressed in the same clothes he wore the previous night, and had a glare in his eyes.

Laura knew something was about to happen, but she did not know what exactly. On some level she just didn’t care anymore. Nothing was going to change. She almost accepted that fact.

“Who’s this guy?” He demanded. He did not even greet Laura. His eyes fixated on Ralph. “Forget it. It doesn’t matter. Laura, Let’s go home.”

Laura could not believe it. After all those years, he never accompanied her to the park and the day he actually came, his only intention was to take her away from it.

Before she could even say a word, Ralph stood up instinctively. He didn’t think he just spoke freely and honestly without any regards of the consequences.

“Who am I? I’m probably more than you.” He took a quick glance at Laura. “I’ll always be more than you. I can’t believe you couldn’t even spend one day here in this park with your girlfriend after all these years. In three months, I came to know that I’m the better than you. I’m the better man.” Ralph couldn’t look down to check Laura’s reaction.

“Really? Is that so? Laura’s with me and I know that you know that. Laura, leave this loser. He’s crazy. I know you love me.”

“Just leave. Just go home.” Laura said indifferently.

“I can’t believe this!” he said. “You know what, I am leaving.”

Laura watched what her soon to be ex-boyfriend get into his car and drive off.

“I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I just did that.” Ralph said apologetically.

“It’s okay, Ralph really. It’s okay. I have to go though. I can’t believe he didn’t fight for me.”

Ralph watched Laura drive off without knowing what exactly happened.

Laura took her time going home. She picked up a Drumstick before she got home in order to cool down.

She went home to an empty home. The closet was emptied of all his clothes, the shoe rack left bare, and the baseball memorabilia taken off the walls. When she entered the bedroom, she saw the floors filled with flower pedals, the bed sheets made, the drawers emptied and laying on the floor, and hangers and boxes thrown all over the room. It was a beautiful mess. Out of habit, she began to clean. She picked up the drawer from the floor. Under the drawer she saw a broken picture frame. She sighed in great disappointment. Out of all the things, he couldn’t even leave her mother’s frame alone. She wasn’t even surprised. It was really the end. She picked up the picture of her mother. Never realizing there was a message on the back she was in shock to find her Mother’s last gift.

“My mistakes should have never been yours. Find Love, Find Happiness, Know Love, and Know Happiness, darling. Find a man that is willing to fight for you. I love you. – Mom”

Tears running on her face not because a man left her life, but rather she didn’t allow another to show her better.

She hectically searched for her phone. Within just one phone call, she cried, laughed, and smiled. At times, it was all at the same moment.

Tears still running, she asked, “Can Mickie come too?”

Nothing to Fear

Thu, 08 Sep 2011 05:54:00 -0400

In the book “Driven from Within,” Michael Jordan talks about his crunch time mentality:

If I miss a shot, so what? Maybe even a shot that could have won a game. I can deal with that. If I don’t miss the shot, then I don’t miss it — we win. I can rationalize the fact that there are only two outcomes: You either make it, or you miss it. I could think that way because I knew I had earned the opportunity to take that shot.

I had put in all the work, not only in that particular game, but in practice every day. If I missed then it wasn’t meant to be. That simple. It wasn’t because the effort wasn’t there. It wasn’t because I couldn’t make the shot, because I had taken the same shot many times in every situation. As soon as the ball went up, there weren’t any nerves because I had trained myself for that situation.

I was as prepared as I could possibly be for that moment. I couldn’t go back and practice a little harder. I knew I had done the right things to prepare myself for that situation. One way or another, I knew I was prepared to be successful. Now, if you know you haven’t prepared correctly, or you know you haven’t worked hard enough, that’s when other thoughts and emotions creep into your mind. That’s stress. That’s fear.

It’s the same process for doing anything, anywhere in life no matter how big or small the stage. … If you are confident you have done everything possible to prepare yourself, then there is nothing to fear.

The Journey // Long Distance

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 06:34:00 -0400

Hello hello,

It’s been quite some time since I wrote here personally, so today I’m taking a break from my daily rituals in order to spend some time with you guys. Initially, this blog was a project to expand my writing, entertain readers, and talk and give insight. I hope my short stories and the few quotes I share have entertained you guys. But I been recently contemplating how I can expand my blog. Ultimately, I want this blog to be some sort of retreat for the lonely heart. This in return brought up the idea I always wanted to do: answering questions about love, relationship, and life. Though I cannot say I’m a professional or well versed in the books relating to such problems, I am quite confident in bringing different perspectives which could help, but this requires participation on you guys. I hope you guys can send me topics or problems that I can discuss. I also wish you guys can refer this blog to your friends or ask questions in behalf of them. I need help molding LostintheMail, and I hope you guys can contribute.

The second part of this entry. I do have a topic I been wanting to discuss, long distance relationships (LDR’s). I don’t condone it nor completely support it, but personally, I would not do it, mainly because I feel it should leave it for my wife. There isn’t much left saved for our life partners these days, an LDR would be something I would save and say I’m capable to do so for my life parter.

For any one who ran cross country or ran a marathon, they can easily understand the level of preparation, dedication, focus, and some level faith or insanity in order to succeed. It is very fitting to relate Long Distance Relationships to Long Distance Running. Running miles upon miles is not only grueling on the body but also incredibly draining on the mind. LDR’s are no different.

Running 15 miles straight for the first time is difficult to say the very least. Most are not able to run all those miles initially at least not on their first try. It takes training. You start out small. At first its just one mile; then it’s two. Then you find different techniques that maximize the run. Hydration, diet, and proper shoes all become increasingly important. It add’s a few more miles to your run. The real preparation begins when you train your mind that you’re not tired and you’re capable of doing it. More often then not it’s a runner’s mind tells him to quit rather than a runner’s body though the body will quit if pushed to the brink. LDR’s require the same amount of preparation. Relationships are fragile things to begin with and adding distance can only add strain. Preparing for an LDR starts off with both partners deciding that they both want it. Doubt of actually being able to do it is okay. No one can be certain they’ll be able to complete a 15 mile run since so many things can go wrong. If your body doesn’t give in, your mind will. The most important thing is that both partners want it, desire it, and value it. This will be the backbone of the maintaining a health LDR. Communication and honesty is needed to see each other’s expectations and concerns of the LDR. The next part of the preparation is accepting change and preparing different outlets to maintain the connection and intimacy that is needed to keep a relationship healthy. It may be scheduling Skype dates, phone calls, or writing letters to each other. Strengthening trust is incredibly important. Jealousy and an LDR is an easy recipe for disaster. Though you can’t be completely be prepared for the hardships that an LDR will entail, the little preparation that is done will allow you to be more equipped when surprises occur, and there will be surprises.

Having an LDR is like having two relationships, you’re not committing just to your partner but also the distance in itself. You need to learn to find the good in distance among all the bads. It is time to work on projects left uncompleted, self-growth, and self-discovery, but you must be dedicated to the idea, to distance, and to your partner. Without dedication and focus, anyone can lose sight of even the most important things in life including Love. LDR’s are exhausting. The little comforts we’re accustomed to when in a relationship are gone. As one of my friends once said, LDR’s - you get the worse aspect of being in a relationship and being single. You have all the struggles of being in a relationship but without any of the comforts and security. You have all the free time of being single but no way to fill the loneliness. Just like after running a few miles, your body becomes to weak, you begin to thirst, and you start doubting if you can actually do it. You want to quit, and there’s so many miles left to run. This is where you need to remember that you wanted it, both of you guys wanted it. You prepared yourself for this. You knew it was going to hard and may even experience moments when you began to think it was too hard, but you have to remember that you wanted it. You dedicated yourself to this and you need to refocus on the most important thing of an LDR, Love. You have focus on matters that matter most and that is Love. You can’t focus and dwell on the difficulties. When it comes to running even if you’re body is still able to do it, if you’re mind says to quit, you’re going to quit. It is the same with Love. Even if you’re heart is still able to continue, if you’re mind tells you to quit , you’re going to quit. Remember that the distance isn’t forever, you’ll end back in your lover’s arms. Stay dedicated. Stay focused.

How does one stay so focused and dedicated. Ultimately, you just have to have faith. You have to believe that all the work, the struggles, and the loneliness is worth it. The Love you have with this person is greater than all. I don’t need to talk much about faith for it is intrinsic within all of us. Just belief and keep believing in the plan. Happiness is right at your hands. Just remember that you have to always work for it. You’ll have to choose Love over and over again. LDR’s are just another test or part of the process of finding happiness and maintaing Love. If you can’t do an LDR, accept it. Don’t fight it. Don’t test the distance, it’ll win. Test Destiny. If its him/her, then all the roads will lead back to him/her. In the end, all we can do is believe in Love and that we’ll all find it regardless if you go through an LDR or not.

Broken Flower Pots - Short Story

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 12:18:00 -0400

Underneath the protection of an umbrella Vince patiently waited. He watched students come out of gate one by one, each hurried to find some sort of relief from the rain. It was a particularly odd day. The sun broke in and out among the clouds as a steady storm fell upon the city of Manila. At times, Vince could see a flickering rainbow as the sun shyly peaked behind the clouds. He hoped it was a sign of good things to come, but at the end of day, the truth was that the storm already arrived. How fitting he thought to himself.

Learning floral arrangement has on the things to do for many years now. Though they only been together for only a few months, Vince thought of all those years that Ari kept declaring that this would be the year that she’ll enroll at the University of the Philippines. He watched Ari carefully space and position various flowers for her assignment. Ari’s attention to detail was incredible. Though her meticulousness had been an asset during her time in school, in matters of creativity it had been more of a restraint. As a leaf suddenly fell off from a stem, Ari’s focused glare gave break to a slight frown. She was frustrated, but she continued working. She sprayed the leaves in order to prevent them from drying. The light in the room began to dim. It was a little pasted 5:30. Vince looked outside the window to see the sun setting, stood up from the couch, and turned on the lights.
“If you’re going to work on your project tonight, you should turn on the lights.” Vince said. There was no response. Ari was definitely in her zone. There was time when they were just friends that he found that quality to be incredibly annoying. Now, all he would do was smile at the fact. He just wanted to support and provide any little happiness.

“I have to work go to work soon. Babe, I’m going to take a quick shower.”

For only a moment, Ari took her eyes off her new addiction and said, “I just washed the towels. They’re in the plastic container behind the shoe rack.”

Vince laughed. “Got it.”

He thought to himself that he’d probably never get use to Ari’s way of organizing things. He did though accept that it worked. She never lost a single thing in her room, not even a pen or a single peso. Ari would exactly know where everything was placed.

Vince emptied his pockets: his cellphone, wallet, keys, and iPod, and placed them at the counter. He quickly unclothed himself before entering the bathroom, a habit he learned from living alone all those many years.

Diligence and determination have always been the key to Ari’s success. She hated to fail. To say she was competitive was an understatement, but since Vince entered her life, she became calmer and more at peace with things she could not control. When she finally scattered a few lavender leaves among the stems, she took a step back and smiled. Normally she would have individually placed each and every leaf in its proper position, but now, she’s able to allow things to simply fall into place.

Across from the room, Ari heard the vibration of keys and Vince’s phone. She picked up the phone and yelled, “Vin, you got a text.”

Muffled by the sound of the shower Vince responded, “I’ll get it when I get out. Thanks, Babe.”

Without even thinking she had already opened the text. It was out of habit. The first thing Ari saw was her name, Kat Reyes. She would have normally would have just said who it was from and close the phone, but it was Vince’s ex-girlfriend. Curiosity got the best of her.

“If the girl you were dating asked you to stop being friends with me, what would you do?”

“What would you do, Vince?” she thought. Though she never had the intention of ever asking Vince, her imagination reacted with a hundred different scenarios where Vince left her for various different reasons. If there was one thing she couldn’t control, it was a man’s heart. She grew more and more insecure as her thoughts began to get the best of her. Ari took out clothes for Vince, and began preparing flowers for tomorrow’s arrangement. She worked and kept herself busy. She did anything to keep her mind from wandering too far from the truth. When she placed the lilies into the refrigerator, Vince came out of the shower just wearing a towel.

Still slightly wet, he wore his boxer and a white Hanes V-neck, a sight that Ari was very fond of. As he searched for a pair of jeans, Ari said in an indifferent tone, “It’s beside the coffee table. You should really start placing your clothes on the table near the hamper.”

“I know. I know. I’ll work on it. By the way where’s my phone?”

“It’s on the counter.” As Vince grabbed his phone, he received another text. It was from work.

“I got to go. I’m almost late. Ralph’s looking for me. He needs me to manage the bar.” He said as he hurried out of the condo. He kissed Ari on her forehead before he escaped through the front door.

Even the soft kiss of her lover did not ease her troubled mind. The hours till Vince return to comfort her in his arms seemed excruciating. She cleaned her condo. The accumulation of steams, leaves, and dirt was beginning to pile up. Though tolerable, it was one of the few ways she’d be able to keep her mind off of the problem at hand.

Ari fell asleep shortly afterwards. The mixture of physical fatigue and emotional stress took its toll. What started as closing her eyes became a slumber only to be awaked by the sound of rattling rings, the creaking of the door, the stumbling footsteps of her clumsy boyfriend.

“I was hoping that I wouldn’t wake you.”

“It’s okay. I have to check on the flowers anyways.”

Vince approached Ari to give her his habitual kiss on the forehead, but she shied away.

“Not now, Babe. I really have to work.” She took out the flowerpot containing all the work she had done for that day avoiding any eye contact with Vince. Ari placed the pot at the counter next to the sink and searched for the spray bottle. For the first time ever, Ari didn’t recall exactly where the spray bottle was located.

“Babe.”

“Not now, I’m looking for the spray bottle.
Vince was boggled at the idea of his girlfriend misplacing anything. As the Ari searched through the cabinets, Vince noticed that the spray bottle was just in the sink.

Fearing that her precious flowers would dry. Ari went back to the sink to wet her hands to sprinkle them manually. Like in slow motion as Vince hugged her from behind to surprise her with the spray bottle, his arm nudged Ari’s floral arrangement. He watched the flowerpot fall, unable to react in any matter to save any face.

In just one moment of carelessness, the day was ruined. Ari removed Vince’s arms around her, and quickly cleaned up the mess.

“I’m sorry. Ari. I’m sorry.” Vince could not express the level of guilt and fear he had. All he could do was apologize.

“Three hours of work. Three hours of work.” Ari’s stern voice increased in volume each time she repeated herself.

“Three hours of work!” She belted.

“I’m sorry. I’ll help you work on it tonight. We’ll get it done”

“Where am I suppose to get flowers at this hour. It’s 11 o’clock!”

“We’ll use the flowers in the fridge and since I don’t have work tomorrow, I can pick up another set in the morning before you go to school.”

“You just don’t get it.”

With a puzzled face Vince just remained quiet. He didn’t want to continue the fight. He was already in the wrong and there wasn’t much he could do about it. He could only wait.

Ari slowly calmed down as she swept the dirt and the broken pieces into the bin.

“You know how I am. I have a temper. I’m insecure. And I never seem to have the right answer. It probably wasn’t like this with Kat. She seemed so put together, beautiful, and much more secure then me.”

“Why are you bringing Kat into this? If I wanted to be with Kat, I’d be with her. I’m here, aren’t I! I want to be with you.”

What Ari did not know was that Kat was nothing like that. If Ari thought Kat was secure, the truth was far from that perception. Vince admired Ari’s honesty more than anything. At least she was aware of her faults. Kat was a stubborn and prideful woman, a woman that was not be his life partner.

“You don’t get it, Vince. You just don’t get it. What if I said that I didn’t want you to be friends with her any more?”

“I can’t believe this. All of this is about that text.”

“I don’t know, Vince. Do you want still want to be friends with Kat?”

“Of course, you know she’ll always be an important person in my life, but…” Words that Ari did not want to hear. A sharp pain she had not felt in a long time struck her chest. A heavy feeling took over his lungs. It became increasingly difficult to breathe. She just realized that Vince still had feelings for Kat, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to deal with such a fact. She grew scared.

Before Vince could finish his statement, Ari interrupted, “Just go home, Vince.”

Knowing that Ari was serious, he did not fight nor gave any resistance. The travel home was very quiet and long. To say that Vince had a sleepless night was an understatement. He grew worried. Years of experience told Vince this was not a little fight. He had to tread carefully. Like on cue, a storm came in the early morning. Though it felt ominous, it also allowed him to finally sleep. The sound of the rain drops on his roof eased his trouble mind.

When he woke up, it was nearly 2. Ari had already gone to school and he still did not know what to do. He texted Ari numerous times without avail. After several unanswered phone calls, Vince decided he had to solve this personally.

It rained unrelentingly during his commute to UP, but he remained focus. As his jeep approached the circle, he prepared himself for the long wait he might have to endure.

Vince constantly scanned the gate for just a glimpse Ari’s silhouette. After nearly 30 minutes, Ari was still nowhere to be insight. The sun peaked in and out of the clouds, and the feeling of the sunrays began to warm Vince’s arm. He hoped it was a sign of good things to come, but he could not forget that the storm had already come. All there was left to do was to pick up the pieces and rebuild.

After an hour of waiting, a familiar song played as a pretentious jeep passed, “I’m not broke, just a broken hearted man. I’m not moving.”

Vince smiled. So this was what The Script meant when they sang The Man that Can’t be Moved. “I’m not moving. Not till I see her.” He thought to himself

A small vase with containing purple and blue flowers in hand, Ari finally appeared before Vince. Without even knowing Vince was there, she already felt his presence. They made eye contact before she walked out of the gate, and then she heard it.

“I’ll always choose the future!” yelled Vince.

Ari looked puzzled. She wanted to ignore him, but once again curiosity got the best of her. When they were finally face to face, she asked, “What do you mean?”

“If I have to make a choice. I’ll always choose the future, and Ari you’re my future. If you don’t want me to be friends with Kat, I won’t. I love you that much.”

Ari stopped herself from crying. “I just needed to hear it. I don’t know why I needed to hear that, but I just did.”

It took time to register, but Ari finally realized it, “You said you loved me.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Vince smiled.

"It begins with a smile. It ends with falling in love. Somewhere between you realize you’re..."

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 06:23:17 -0400

“It begins with a smile. It ends with falling in love. Somewhere between you realize you’re happy.”

A Short Dream - Short Story

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 21:54:00 -0400

I know loneliness. I know it every well. Most of my life, I spent wandering from city to city hoping that I can come across someone who would effortlessly walk into my life and continue walking by my side. Don’t get me wrong though, I do not wallow in the fact I am lonely, but rather accept that it is a part of my existence. When someone asks me if I ever fallen in love, I tell them that I only fell in love once. In nearly thirty years of my life, I only knew love once.

Throughout my years, I only had one girlfriend, but this story isn’t about her. I didn’t love her. I left her before her High School infatuation became a love she would talk about for the rest of her life. To cut the bullshit, women came naturally for me. I must partly thank my good for nothing parents for the genes, and the other was that I knew how to talk to women. I dated, and I was good at that. I’m not saying that I didn’t want something serious, but I just knew if it were going to happen, I’d just feel it. I’d know it. It just didn’t happen for the longest time. Until then, I must apologize for all those girls. They meant nothing to me, just another distraction from the loneliness we all experience.

When love happened, I couldn’t say it was a day that was particularly out of the ordinary, but I must say love does make the day out of the ordinary. A few days before my evaluation for a promotion I been busting my ass off for, I attended a company party. I came right after work, work being six hours overtime. It was nearly 1am when I arrived. I disregarded the formalities and went straight towards the bar. I quickly downed three shots of Jack.

I ordered a double of Jack on the rocks before I decided to leave the bar and look for any familiar faces. I quickly scanned the room for friends and potential companions for the night. My eyes gravitated towards a woman wearing a backless red dress that tightly contoured her body. She stood by the bar at the opposite side of the room. Even though it was dark, I was certain she was incredibly beautiful. There was no doubt in my mind. I stared and waited for an opportunity to approach her. For not even a full second, she caught my glance, and then she continued talking to her friend. It was my signal. I only had one minute to approach her before my window was closed. I approached her the same way I approached many others before her.

“Did you know the average woman decides if she’s willing give her number to a man within the first 15 seconds of meeting him. I just wasted those 15seconds. So how about it?” I said.

She glanced at her friend, smiled, and agreed without saying a word. She took a pen out and wrote her information.

I glanced at the napkin and said, “It was a pleasure crossing into you Katelyn.”

I didn’t make her out to be a Katelyn, but I thanked her and walked outside the room. With the same Jack in hand, I went to the balcony to get a fresh breathe of air. Katelyn, I thought to myself, is a beautiful name. I grew increasingly fond of the name. If I ever had a baby girl, I would have liked to name her Katelyn. It’s odd to think of children when I haven’t even had a serious relationship yet. I laughed quietly to myself. I sipped ever so slowly as I stared at the view of the city. Jeff really went all out on this party I thought to myself.

A soft, feminine voice asked, “San Francisco’s beautiful, isn’t it.”

“Very much so. It’s my favorite city in America.” I responded without releasing my focus from the night sky.

After a few moments of silence she asked, “Does this normally work for you? Do all women end up following you outside?”

“To be honest, they seldom follow me out. What brings you here Katelyn?” I smiled arrogantly.

“Curiosity.”

“That’s a very honest answer. That’s something I never get. At least at events like this.”

“I’m an honest girl. I pride myself on honesty.”

“Then let me ask you a question, want to get out of here and cut the bullshit? It’s obvious you don’t want to be here anymore otherwise you’d still be with your friend inside.”

She grabbed my hand, and began furiously walking towards the elevator. My drink rushed down my throat not wasting a single drop.

“My cousin can’t see me leave. We have to hurry. By the way, I’m hungry. Know of a place”

“Like Thai?”

“Love Thai!”

We took a cab to King of Thai. My libido was getting the best of me. Though we were about to get a bite to eat, all I could of think of was going home with her. The cab ride was quiet. She took a quick nap while I prevented myself from staring. God, she was beautiful.

I woke her up when we got to the restaurant. She exited the cab and adjusted her dress, a sight that I replayed over and over again. I followed shortly after her. I wasn’t sure where this night was heading towards, but I was flexible. I had the next day off anyways.

“I’m sorry.” She said politely

“What for?”

“All of this. My cousin was about to embarrass me.”

“That wasn’t your friend?”

“She’s my cousin. She works with you, I think.”

“Never seen her.” I laughed

“It’s okay, she’s the reserved type unless she’s drunk, but in any case what’s your name stranger?”

“It’s about time you asked me for my name. It’s Ryan.” I said with a smirk.

“It’s a pleasure crossing into you as well, Ryan.” Katelyn said in the softest voice I ever heard. I’m not sure, but I think my heart skipped a beat at that moment.

Over the next hour we skipped the formalities. I didn’t get to know her favorite color. I didn’t learn why she was in the city or why she was at that party. What I did learn about Katelyn was that she dreamt of being a Broadway actress, that her kindness extended not only to me but also others, that in high school she was an incredibly awkward kid. She showed me pictures of times before she blossomed into this beautiful that sat before me. Katelyn was right; she was an honest person.

After our late night dinner, I offered to take her home. Like other nights and so many girls, she too agreed. I called for a cab and accompanied her. During the cab ride, I wrapped my arms around her. We didn’t know each that well, but holding her felt like the most natural thing in the world. In my arms, she slowly dosed off again. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I was at peace. The entire time I was with her I didn’t even think about work. The cab seemed far too short though it was nearly a 30-minute drive. When we hit the Mission, I delicately shook her shoulders.

“Sorry, I have a bad habit of falling asleep in car rides.”

“It’s not a problem. It’s cute actually.”

She gave a rather glare of disbelief as I smirked.

As Katelyn gave the last bit of directions to get to her place, I contemplated if I was really going to go through with it. I knew if I wanted anything serious with this woman I couldn’t sleep with her tonight. It didn’t take long or much hesitation. I decided that I was just going to take her home and call her in a couple of days. The cab parked in front of a small house on top of the Mission. She paid for the cab as I patiently waited. As she got out of the cab, she asked, “Aren’t you getting out?”

Instinctively, I got out of the cab. I thought to myself I’d just walk her to her door and catch the next cab. I’m not certain why, maybe because I already loved her then, but I was incredibly nervous as I walked her to her door. It was a very unfamiliar feeling. Dozens of girls and I never felt nervous till then. She took out her keys and paused for a moment. In that one moment of hesitation, I kissed her. She kissed me back as my hands moved to the side of her face. I held her face hoping that this kiss would never end. God knew I didn’t want to stop kissing her, but we both needed to catch our breath. I had to say good-bye before my libido got the best of me.

“Good night, Katelyn. I hope to see you again.” I took out the napkin and said, “I’ll give you a call sometime.”

I took a few steps before I heard, “Wait, Ryan. I don’t want this night to end. At least not yet.” Katelyn grabbed my hand and pulled me inside her home.

We made love that night though we had no intention of actually sleeping with each. For the first hour or so we continued our conversation where it left off at King of Thai. We connected in a way that I couldn’t really explain. We rambled endlessly about the most insignificant subjects, but we both found it meaningful. Sleeping with each other was just an extension of our connection. The gentle kisses, the soft caress of her hands, and feeling of her breathe on my neck all seemed surreal. We made love till exhaustion.

When I woke up the following day, she was still peacefully sleeping. I imagined her dreams to be wonderful in nature for she had the slightest smile as she slept. It didn’t take her long before she too woke up.

“What time is it?”

“It’s almost noon.” I said. “Wanna catch lunch?”

“Can’t. I got work in a couple of hours. I have to get ready actually.”

“I do have business to take care of as well.” I lied. I wanted to spend the day with her but I didn’t want to over stay my welcome.

We got dressed. She put some jeans and a white V-neck shirt while I wore the same suit I wore last night.

As we left her place, she asked, “Can I see the napkin?”

I handed her the napkin, and she tore it up. I didn’t really know how to react, but I was disappointed.

“How am I suppose to contact you?”

“ You don’t Ryan.”

“I want to see you again.” I said sincerely.

“I want to see you again, too, but…” I knew she meant it. Her eyes began to water up, but she stopped herself before an actual tear formed.

“Let’s just have this one night. This might be the best night of my life, and I don’t want us to ruin it.” She said empathically.

I just kept silent.

“Ryan, I don’t know if this means anything, but I loved being with you. How we are now is perfect. If we ever see each other again, it can only ruin this perfect night. If I can have this perfect memory of us, I can believe once again that love can really exist in its purest form.”

I nodded and said, “Good-bye, Katelyn. I guess this is where I thank for this short dream.”

“Good-bye, Ryan. I love you.” Katelyn said with a regretful smile.

Before I could respond, all I could see was the white back of her shirt. I didn’t want to accept it then, but I loved her, words I never got to say.

Over the years, the memory began to slowly fade. At some point, I won’t be able to recall in detail what happened that night. It’s a truth I’m learning to accept. Even now after five years, I can’t recall her touch, her smell, or even how my heart responded when we made love. What I do vividly remember was her smile as we parted ways, a regretful smile. It is a smile I share with her now.